Greetings from the couch, my new computer (cue heart-eyed emoji) and my complete denial at the fact that tomorrow is Monday. As denial goes, I’m struggling: 2015 is over and I can’t quite fathom how, I could have sworn I only blinked. That seems to be how it goes these days, I no sooner close my eyes January 1st than I open them December 31st. Where is time going and how do I make it stop?
I know, I know, not possible.
As I reflect on 2015 in all it’s glory, I can’t help but smile. My 25th year on planet earth was pretty amazing and there’s so much I want to tell the person I was a year ago about the next 365 days: they will be full, they will be precious, they will be fleeting. While I won’t do 2015 the justice it deserves, I’ll at least give it a try.
Dear 2015 Me,
Welcome to the New Year!
Deep breaths…. You’re going to do just fine.
Actually, you’re going to do more than fine, you’re going to do great..even when it doesn’t feel like it and there WILL be days when it doesn’t feel like it. You’re going to learn a lot, which means you’re going to fail a lot. I know it makes you panic a little just reading that but calm down, it all works out.
You know how when you were in high school you had this grand idea of everything you’d have figured out by 25 and how together your life would be? Yeah, you won’t have life any more figured out in a year than you do now (spoiler alert!), you’ll just get better at accepting that you’ll never have it figured out but that’s what makes it an adventure.
With that being said, you’ll do a lot of things 25 year olds are supposed to do, like go to happy-hours after work with friends, watch what feels like everyone you know get engaged, married or pregnant, offer to bring dishes to family functions (don’t worry, Mom still has your back), and go to the movies by yourself, among other things.
You’ll also do some stuff 25 year olds probably aren’t supposed to do, like watch a video of a dog’s last day and cry in the mall parking lot alone on your lunch break. Like ugly, awful, heaving crying. It will make you realize you’re still that 8 year old girl reading ‘All Dogs Go To Heaven’ at your core.
You’ll move into an apartment in the heart of the city you love most and every day when you walk out and you breathe in the river and the take in the skyline, it will make you come alive.
You will become an expert at airports. Yes, you read that correctly– airports, and the universe will laugh at the irony of someone as impatient as yourself being forced to wait in security, then in 20 minute long lines for that cup of coffee you’re not sure you can function without and then in the boarding line and then on the actual plane for takeoff. Oh and new development: motion sickness, enjoy!
You’ll stand by two of your best friends sides as they marry men who complete them and it will make your heart full. You’ll give THE toast at S&J’s reception that you wrote the day of on a sheet of paper from the depths of your purse with a stolen pen. Yep, still a lot of ‘winging-it’ this year.
You’ll try to stop swearing and saying sorry when you shouldn’t, you’ll fail miserably at both but there’s always next year.
Mom is going to take a new job in a new city and you’re going to watch her and Dad become best friends again. When they start to do things to get the house ready to sell, your heart will ache at the change and you’ll cry when they tell you they’re getting a new dinner table. You will run your fingers over the indentations and imperfections of years homework being done and meals being shared and you’ll have to remind yourself that it’s these memories and not the table itself, that are important.
You’re not going to stop wondering what to do with your life. You come to the conclusion that you probably never will.
You’re going to pay bills, tell people about ‘what you do for a living’ and buy paper towels in bulk. Your idea of a great Friday night is a bottle of wine and a book in ugly pajamas on the couch and you’ll get excited when Mom and Dad tell you you’re getting new brakes for your birthday. It will be in these moments that you will laugh to yourself, because these are all very ‘adult’ things and you are still not at all an adult. Even a little bit.
Actually, you’ll spend a lot of time laughing the year, A LOT. As usual, it will draw attention because you have a quirky laugh with an unmistakable volume. This year though, you’ll try to remember to stop covering your mouth and instead embrace every second of rib aching giggles.
But mostly, this year you’re going to realize just how beyond lucky you are to be surrounded by the people you call family and friends. These people, by some feat, love you. Capitol L-O-V-E, even. These people are your salt, they are your grounding, they feel like home to your heart. Be good to them, better yet, be great to them and never stop. Enjoy them, hang out with them (even when you don’t feel like it), they don’t care about your money as much as they care about your time. Smile at them, ask about them, tell them Thank You, hug them, be silly with them, protect them.
You’re going to have a really great year. Trust me.